SATIRE: ScarJo’s Christmas miracle

A Norwegian activist in a Santa suit uses a sledge hammer to smash SodaStream appliances in front of the Norwegian Parliament building in Oslo, December 6, 2014. Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) activists have targeted SodaStream, which makes home soft drink carbonation appliances, because one of their factories is located in the West Bank industrial settlement Mishor Adumim. All Israeli settlements in the occupied Palestinian territories are illegal under international law.

A Norwegian activist in a Santa suit uses a sledge hammer to smash SodaStream appliances in front of the Norwegian Parliament building in Oslo, December 6, 2014. Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) activists have targeted SodaStream, which makes home soft drink carbonation appliances, because one of their factories is located in the West Bank industrial settlement Mishor Adumim. All Israeli settlements in the occupied Palestinian territories are illegal under international law.

Sadly, Scarlett Johansson has not yet come to the rescue of the winery workers of Cremisan. In other home beverage carbonation news, we got a Swedish-made Aqvia bubbler for Christmas—now we can “set the bubbles free” without the apartheid aftertaste! An excerpt from my seasonal satire:

Dear ScarJo,

Can I call you ScarJo? It’s been a great year for you: you had a baby, you got married, you turned 30. But I know a painful anniversary is just around the corner. For it was almost a year ago that you put your good name on the line to defend the jobs of SodaStream’s West Bank Palestinian workers.

The controversy surrounding your Super Bowl ad raised much needed awareness of both home soft drink carbonation and also how the Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions (BDS) movement unfairly singles out Israeli settlements for violating international law when there are so many other Israeli violations of international law to consider.

As you said at the time (actual quote, not satire), “SodaStream is a company that is not only committed to the environment but to building a bridge to peace between Israel and Palestine, supporting neighbors working alongside each other, receiving equal pay, equal benefits and equal rights.”

Until your brave and accurate words, most people didn’t know that SodaStream’s Palestinian workers are welcome to carry assault rifles when they visit their Israeli neighbors. Or that if Palestinians decide to create a new outpost on any hilltop in the West Bank, it’s instantly given full access to the water and electrical grid. Or that SodaStream’s Palestinian and Israeli workers all take weekend trips together to Eilat to go water skiing. …

Read the full satire on +972 Magazine.